The best comparison I can think of is that a portion of my life has been cut away and put in a deep-freezer. And the slow lifting of restrictions is an attempt to thaw it out. I’m impatient for it to thaw, but I know if I don’t let it, the results could potentially be disastrous.
My day-to-day life definitely reflects this. I get up and eat. Sometimes I get dressed. I do some school work. I find myself tired from doing very little, and often end up taking a nap only a few hours after I first woke up. My choices for the next few hours are to continue work, or put it aside, deciding my brain’s too crowded to do anything other than sleeping or daydreaming or watching Netflix.
I know this is the case for most kids my age. We feel empty. That good part of our lives- the part that fuels us and inspires us- is off limits. We fill it with other, less meaningful things, hoping to entertain ourselves somewhat. Maybe it even worked at some point. We started falling into our hobbies more. But I’ve still yet to finish knitting that scarf. We played games that seemed enjoyable. But I felt dull after saving and moving on to something more productive. We’ve done our sports and recreational activities over some kind of livestream. But I see the dance studio I miss and feel miserable because I can’t be there.
The day comes to an end and I’ve done the bare minimum. I don’t always feel successful. Hardly ever do, actually. I reason I’ll do better tomorrow, and I get into bed when everyone else has their lights off and doors closed. I never used to go to bed later than they did.
I miss the mundane things. Awkward encounters I thought I could do without. Having meaningless conversations while we wait for time to be called. The vibrant atmosphere of my small AP Art History class. Now, instead, I talk to the same four people, get in the same arguments with my youngest sister, and see the once vibrant class through a dull lens that is my computer screen.
Two months ago, my biggest concern would have been an upcoming assignment. Now it’s the hanging question of when I’ll get that frozen piece thawed out.
Rachael Curti is a student at RI Blackstone Valley Prep High School in Cumberland, Rhode Island.